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- Family emergency meeting (FEM). It is a tool to address conflict or make new decisions.
- Calling FEM is a privilege given at the age of 18 to all family members. Compliance with the following rules guarantees this privilege. Noncompliance in a sequence of 3 consecutive violations removes this privilege.
- Member of a family (MoFa). Anyone that is currently on the sacred grounds and has a relationship to a family member. For example, a loved one, although not in legal contract with member of the family qualifies as such counts as a family member.
- Sacred grounds are only where we are currently together. For example the Indian hotel grounds are sacred for all family members currently present on the grounds. Tiajaca, Chia, Austin, etc..
- Every family member has a voice (vote) and can participate in the parliament of sacred grounds.
- Age of family members that can participate in the meeting is determined by the maturity level. Anyone over 18 can participate in all meetings. Children under the age of 18 can be invited by the group’s consensus. It requires two positive votes to include them. This is due to sensitivity of the topic that can have negative impact on the child’s mind.
- Member of a family is any person that is involved in a mutual relationship. This includes any partner of a family member on the sacred grounds.
- Verbal verification for intent is required.
Explanation: An interpretation of a “look” is not reliable enough to become a decision point for anyone to assume. Saying that “he or she gave me that look, and I knew what they wanted” has no merit without verification. The reason for this is because “a look” that has been understood by the general perimeter of the family can have different meaning when new members of the family are entering this perimeter. The “not yet discussed” information can be the very reason for that topic. Hence the “look” when people are making that assumption can no longer be valid. It can be the very reason why the meeting is taking place. A change is occurring. It implies that a respect is given to anyone that choses to enter the family grounds (sacred grounds).
Don’t assume a meaning of a look without verbal confirmation of the person that is giving the look. Instead ask the person giving the look for interpretation: “I am getting a look from you which usually means such and such. Am I correct in that assumption?”
Information distribution by calling an Emergency meeting.
- The desired outcome of the meeting should be always determined and revealed to all members of the family present on sacred grounds. For example: “We are going to resolve a conflict or discuss a complex situation regarding ……………….”
- A projection of the duration should be given to all members present on sacred grounds to allow them to make arrangement for transportation. Time is valuable to everyone.
- Weaponization of sensitive words or information is not allowed. Failure to comply results in loss of the privilege to call a family emergency meeting. Weaponization adds no positive value in achieving a goal the family is working to resolve. They effect the conversation and that lead to unnecessary escalations that detract from achieving the goal. This costs valuable time.
- Vulgarity and expletives add no value during discussions of sensitive content. This is not to say that we’re not adults and that we can’t use them in privacy or social gathering. It is because we’re a multilingual family with knowledge of variety of languages and certain words can have alternate meaning. If this is not understood, then a list of words can be provided.
FEM Procedure request:
During the meeting any MoFa can request a 15 minute recces. This time is to allow that person to gather their thoughts. Timer is started by the moderator as well as the requestor. This is to make sure that this expectation to return to the discussion is adhered to. After the 15 minutes is up, the requestor can ask for additional 15 minutes but state why they are struggling with making progress and ask for help. The moderator should ask this question of the requestor and take a verbal confirmation. “Look”does not count as discussed previously in this request. Conversely the requestor can ask for another FEM, but this FEM request must be within no more than 3 days.
Management of Excuses:
Sometimes a list of excuses can be utilized by the person of focus (POF). The quorum has the option to recognize a list of excuses discussed as examples of why something did or did not happen. Lists of excuses (LoE) add no value in achieving resolution to the issue at hand. An excused interruption may be brought forth and the LoE identified as such. The interrupter may request a time out and the POF 15 minutes recces to allow them to gather their thoughts. In general lists are given to buy time while the person is thinking about the situation. This can be distracting and does not allow anyone to move forward. If after 15 minutes or recess another list of excuses is being produced then then this warrants a request for another 5 minute recess after which full presence on sacred ground is to be called.
Sample of a proceeding:
Goal – achieve piece be two confrontational parties.
Each counted session is a duration of 2 minutes and given without any interruption.
Cell phones are to be turned off or away in Airplane Mode.
1:11 PM June 21st
1. Person A
2. Person B
3. Person A
4. Person B
5. Person C
6. Person B
7. Person A
8. Person D
9. Person A
10. Person B
11. At this session count the moderator should give a 60 second opportunity for a positive reinforcement. The 60 seconds should be used for positive reinforcement only. The comments should be impartial, not weaponized and lead to a resolution.
12. Person of Focus resumes
13. Person D
14. Person A (Conclusion)
If resolution has not been achieved an arbitrary or neutral resolution should take effect with the goal to allow for a democratic resolution. A vote can be take where all in favor say Aye, and those not in favor of the resolution say Nay. This count is recorded (written) down with name and vote. At this time the congress should resolve and move on.
Resolutions with negative outcome will need to be continued at a later unless a compromise can be made to satisfy the majority of congress but with empathy and respect for those not achieving their goal.